True Confessions – I Have Groped

On my previous post, I said that I was 0 and 4 on the grope versus being groped scoreboard. But, after racking my brain, I now remember an instance when I groped. I was about 25 and having a wisdom tooth pulled. I chose the dentist because he advertised that he catered to cowards. I hoped that it meant that I would get (laughing) gas and would not suffer through the procedure as I had during an earlier extraction. I was right.

The initial part of the procedure was going swimmingly.  I was fitted with headphones playing some ethereal Pink Floyd tracks, and was oblivious to the carnage going on in my mouth.  But about mid-way through, the dentist’s assistant, who had been holding my shoulder and allowing me to hold her arm, removed my hand from her breast, where it had somehow wandered. She gently placed it back on her arm. I was so ashamed. She laughed and said, “Don’t worry; this happens all the time.” The dentist snickered. I went back to la la land and the remainder of the extraction proceeded without incident.

The assistant did not seem traumatized by my indiscretion, and I sincerely hope that she has remained okay with it, as well as with the other like incidents that she mentioned. I would like to think that it was an involuntary, gas-induced, and innocent mistake, and not that I am a serial groper, waiting for the next innocent dental assistant to prey upon.